What is it with those demo-whatsits on laptops? Having tripped over and broken yet another lead my parents lent me
Do my rolls look big in this?
their ‘puter for the evening. All fine and dandy, until I looked up and saw what looked like a scene from Seven: all tumbling rolls of flab in chiaroscuro. What the hell?! Mildly sickened and somewhat confused I wondered how this abomination had appeared. Had I googled ‘Jabba the Hutt Porn’? Then I remembered it was my parents’ laptop after all… eeewww. But no.
Then I noticed something. As I moved Jabba moved. I waved a hand. Jabba waved. I stood up. Jabba stood up. I am now considering suing Acer, or whoever it is who put these damned things on their machines, for exposing an impressionable mind to her own exposed body. I mean, I’ve been experiencing what I’ve self diagnosed as IBS and often look 6 month’s pregnant.
If I’d wanted to be exposed on screen I’d ‘ve been Paris Hilton, as it is I prefer to keep my body to myself and possibly a carefully vetted other. Although I was psycho-bullied into flashing my boobs in the communal showers at the swimming pool the other day. Everyone gets their kit off and eyes your cozzie-clad torso warily. What lies beneath that layer of lycra, they seem to ask. A third nipple? A sticky-out-navel? Alright! Alright! So I gave in and went … topless.
First, I felt like a fish outta water. Second, I later learned a work colleague had also frequented the pool that very evening. Perhaps that’s why she was unusually quiet the following morning, rushing past me, head bowed, mumbling something about needing the toilet…
Anyway all this had got me thinking (again). If the key to happiness is to be self-contained contentment then the
Lizzie Miller - revealing her roll
container needs a bit more lovin’ – or else all that contentment is gonna seep out. Plus how can you get content if your body is a huge bone of contention?
Loving the lady in the mirror is a simple concept but about as easy as a bowling ball to digest. We live in a society which throws a wobbly over the beautiful Lizzie Miller showing, what by most people’s estimation, must be a small roll of flesh around her abdomen, calling it ‘ground breaking’. And however many times Gok tries to get us to look-good-naked and love-the-skin-we’re-in, what if it looks more like the loathsome-orange-peel than smooth-as-a-hot-dog-sausage? It can be pretty hard to keep this stuff in proportion.
At the beginning of August I attended a Heal the Self, Heal the Earth event. New Age hogwash some might say, but I’m getting the feeling that the way you feel about you, or the way I feel about me matters and not just on a personal level. Think The Fisher King. Think Hamlet. Think outta the box and self-contained-despondency. Do as Judy Garland sang – not as she did – and ‘Get Happy’, cos it might just cost us more than our collective Duvet Days costs the economy (more on this soon).
So as I watched one of the Heal the Earth attendees, a lovely, lithe, slip-of-a-thing – who happens to be a Nutritional Therapist – belly dance in a purple haze, pure joie de vivre emanating from her whole being, I thought, I’m gonna get me some of that. Not sure why I felt compelled to do something which involves getting my tummy out in public; or which contains the word ‘belly’ – one of my least favourite words. But I signed up to a 12 week course with the Mia Serra school anyhow.
Turkish Delight? It's low fat...
Moving one’s bottom cheeks independently takes a lot of concentration, which makes me look quite angry. And doing anything verging on shimmery-shaky-Shakira style just makes me look like I’m about to foam at the mouth. Fortunately participating in the end of term show is not compulsory and probably ill-advised, if the first lesson was anything to go by! But so far I have enjoyed the celebratory, very feminine feel of it all and I’m thinking it will be a fun, fabulous and undoubtedly frustrating way to learn to love-the-skin-I’m-in!
And maybe have just the one roll…
Inspiring Health – Eat less rolls have less rolls
Mia Serra Belly Dance – Rippling rolls
Light Workers Unite – Roll up and spread the love
Adventuress Undressed 